Customer Rating:  
Summary: A pretty typical, run-of-the-mill pop psychology book.
Comment: This book is somewhat amusing both in that it points out certain truths about the world yet is crudely simplistic and over-exaggerated in its cartoon-like categorizations of men into personality types. It is more observational comedy than it is serious psychological advice. There are some strange leaps of logic or arguments that the authors don't seem to have quite thought completely through.
For example, they warn about "Loners" as a type of "loser", even though loners are essentially harmless to society, their worst sin being that they seem awkward in social gatherings. It never seems to occur to the authors that a woman who tends to be a loner herself (of which there are plenty in this world) might find her ideal mate in such a man. The authors may be more "prescriptive" than "descriptive" in their advice, assuming the role not of impartial observers, but rather as condescending, self-appointed intellectual patriarchs who view women as little girls - delicate, vulnerable, helpless victims that need their protection from all those other nasty men out there, lest they "fall down and get hurt". They more or less list the types of men that bug them for various reasons and tell women to steer clear of them at the first hint of trouble.
The authors' own promotional blurbs on the back cover essentially sum up their own somewhat confused and shallow grasp of what they're trying to say: I quote "You'll learn how to quickly spot a guy who's bad news before you run screaming for a gallon of vanilla fudge swirl..." Essentially, every negative trait a man could possess is magnified into a portrait of a dangerous psychopath, while the negative traits of women (in this case, the demeaning, sexist stereotype that all women impulsively overeat as a way to deal with emotions) is laughed off as just another one of those "girl things" (despite the real and serious danger to a woman with such a habit). A loser, as bad as he is, is probably no worse in his ability to honestly face the world than is a woman who feels justified in drowning her sorrows in sweets.
All in all, the book is an easy read. It's the kind of book that two guys with Ph.D's can churn out cheaply and easily (a "quickie" as they are called in publishing trade circles). Read it with one suspicious eye cast upon the guy you're going to date next, BUT another equally suspicious eye cast upon the psychologist with slick, anecdotal rhetorical skills trying to sell you advice on how to live your life.
More than anything, the book is a testament to the sad, narcissistic state of our society where "personality" has replaced "character" in establishing the integrity of other people.
About the only thing this book will do for most women is make them even more paranoid than they already are about men in general. If a woman is frustrated with all of the losers out there, following the authors' advice and reasoning is probably only going to make everything worse for her. It certainly won't give a woman any strategic or competitive advantage in finding a compatible mate if she is constantly preoccupied with the negativism of secretly running every one she meets through the arbitrary loser-test-ringer that she got from a cheap psychobabble book.
Customer Rating:
Summary: The Beauty is in its Simplicity
Comment: My best friend had recently ended a long-term relationship and had picked up this book for a laugh, more than anything else. After I ended a relationship with a man I thought I would marry, she loaned it to me with the words, "this book is a fun read, but you may find it a little creepy in its accuracy - I know I did." Boy, was she right!
I had agonized for months over the relationship and had even been to therapy trying to understand why I felt the way I did. My therapist was very forthright and informative, but I chose to ignore his advice (my mistake). I read self-help books (some good, some just OK) in an attempt to understand both myself and the relationship better. I finally realized that, for whatever reason, the relationship was not a healthy one for me and I ended it. A few weeks later, I read this book.
I initially found the descriptions in the book somewhat amusing. None of them really seemed to apply to my most recent relationship, so I was entertained by the brief overviews and the real-life scenarios. When I reached the middle of the book (the chapter titled "The Leech") I was suddenly stunned. The scenario and the description of how these people can make you feel were 100% right-on. The quiz showed that my ex scored well into the 'red flag' zone for this particular trait, and I was amazed to see that the brief description of the most effective way to end a relationship with someone of this trait was exactly what I had used only weeks before. After all of my introspection, I had decided that the only way he could accept a breakup was if I accepted all of the blame and reinforced to him that I was the one unable to hold up my end of the relationship (whether or not it was actually true). It worked better than I expected, which surprised me at the time, and here I was a few weeks later reading a book that told me, in half a page, to do that very thing.
Because the other traits did not pertain to my exact situation, I do not know whether the others are as accurate. I would say it is probably safe to think they are more accurate than not. I plan to buy this book so i have it as a handy reference for those times when I can't identify the source, but something just isn't quite what it should be.
Yes, the book simplifies things - it carves it out into easy-to-understand pieces, which is part of its appeal. It is entertaining - at least when the traits don't pertain to you and your significant other. It is also dead-on accurate. Some reviewers have claimed that the book tries to get women to seek out the same type of "ideal" man. This is not accurate - it encourages women to avoid truly unhealthy men...those who are not good relationship material, at least not at this particular time in their lives.
As for some reviewers' concerns about the book not addressing the underlying pathology of why the men behave this way, or why the women are attracted to these men, that would really be best for a psychologist to assist with in real-life instead of via a self-help book (the reasons can be many and vary from person to person).
Overall, it is a handy reference for the early stages in a relationship when there seems to be something you just can't quite put your finger on that keeps the relationship from feeling "right". I will recommend it to all of my single girlfriends (and I may even consider suggesting it to some of the married ones).
Customer Rating:
Summary: GOod book
Comment: Tells you everything that if you listen to your gut you already know. BUT IT DOES GIVE YOU WAYS TO GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP if you didn't listen to your gut to begin with,.,, So its worth owning
Customer Rating:
Summary: Works for me
Comment: Red Flags assesses various loser dude types quickly and concisely, and that works for me. My loser dude scored 60 on the Mr. Neglecter test, and close to that on Mr. Ego. This guy is so "red" he's a stop light. For me, it's a tremendous help to know that his behavior isn't about me, so I won't blame myself. When I read the story that precedes the test, I substituted my name and his for the main characters and the similarities were eerie. I love it when that happens!
Another thing I like about this book is that the final chapter gives examples of events and phases of our lives that can make us vulnerable to red flag types. This information is helpful for all women, even those who can spot a loser a mile away.
I'm giving this book 4 stars instead of 5 because I didn't find any information that addresses the root causes of choosing red flag types. Most of us who've been through any model of personal growth know that we're attracted to certain "types" and the reasons often trace back to our family of origin. Red Flags doesn't address this and doesn't offer any reference material on the topic. Also, the book does not have an index or a bibliography.
That said, I think this is a solid purchase for any woman who's out there dating, especially as our options dwindle for various reasons. Once again, the authors make it clear that finding Mr. Right is a numbers game, so it's good to know what types we shouldn't waste precious time on.
I found this book at the public library, but it's definitely worth the purchase price.
Customer Rating:
Summary: Gotta Have it BOTH Ways...
Comment: There are so many books available on Amazon & the public Library that are guides for Women avoiding "bad" Men, but how many are out there that do the opposite??? I'd like to know...
This is one of the better ones, especially with its point-checklists at the end of each description, but it is easy to get the feeling that this unilateral masterpiece is just following the river rapids of similar "Ladies avoid Mr. Wrong" books out there. I'd like to see a companion volume set up as this one was (Description, sample conversation, whys & wherefores, point-count checklist, and score interpretation). Maybe the title "Pink Flags"? (Is she a gold-digger? Is she a Nomad? Is she a Daddy's Girl? etc.)
One other criticism--many of the traits listed are superficial, not globally oriented (example--Does he look downward while conversing, or do his eyes dart around? Well, is this in reference to GENERAL behavior, or does it only apply to your (current) date, or behavior toward you specifically?) This especially would apply to behavior signifying any of the more violent or extreme categories. Then it tends to generalize.
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