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Summary: A Life of Compromise?
Comment: "So the bad news is, there is nothing you can do to change him. Our advice is to leave him alone or leave." ~ pg. 143
After reading "The Rules" for single women, I wondered what the authors would advise for married women. This book of rules is actually designed for engaged and married women. There is even a section on divorce and second marriages. In the first book the authors told you how to get a man to commit to you and in this book they tell you how to keep him.
Marriage isn't a fantasy romantic vacation, it takes a lot of work to stay married. There is also room for a great deal of compromise. "The Rules for Marriage" addresses the issue of compromise on nearly every page.
"Better to be happy than always right." ~ pg. 41
While this book can be helpful, it might also leave you a little frustrated. The authors keep saying that you can't change a man and that the only person you can really change is yourself. They advise you to go to therapy but not to ask your husband to join you in marriage counseling. If you can't work on your marriage together what is the point?
There is some really good advice, like getting your own life and staying busy. I liked the idea of making your husband fight a bit for your attention. However, there is some really bad advice, like watching X-rated movies with your husband. I think they demean women and a lot of the women in these movies were abused as children. Why would you want to support that type of industry?
The authors also advise you not to have two bank accounts. I think that is bad advice and you should be able to have your own money and your own account. Last but not least, the advice on having sex while you are in a fight is pretty insane. Not only will that make a woman feel used, it might set up a bad precedent. You don't want to reward your husband with sex every time you fight. I also think it is a bad idea to tell women to never say no to sex. There are obviously times when sex is not possible and women in general don't want sex as much as men do.
I would like to know where the authors got the idea that a pedicure only costs fifteen dollars. I've paid as much as sixty dollars for a pedicure. The authors are in favor of you spending money on yourself. They also go as far as to recommend that you spend more money on baby sitters and cleaning help instead of spending the money on marriage counseling.
For the most part, the advice in this book is practical. My only problem with the book is the main point that you should always put your husbands agenda before your own. To me at least this seems like it would create an undercurrent of dissatisfaction. If you are not getting what you need from a relationship what is the harm in asking for something different. If a man loves you he might actually change a few things to make you happier. At least that has been the case in my own marriage. There are also some things that are never going to change and I've accepted that as a reality. The authors are probably right in saying that you should lower your expectations a bit because no relationship can be perfect.
~The Rebecca Review
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Summary: REAL MEN love Rules Girls!!!
Comment: I remember my Mother making a statement to me years ago, that I thought was RIDICULOUS! It was "Find a man that loves you more than you could ever LOVE HIM!" Crazy? right? NO!!! As an adult I figured out what she was trying to convey...We, as women have to learn how to love OURSELVES first, and that way, we will think too highly of ourselves, to accept "inferior" treatment by men. Thus...this is the premise for this book, as well as all the other "Rules" books. Women who VALUE themselves, and their time,set boundaries, and live by them, and either the man will accept them, or leave! I find this book, as well as the others, to be just basic, common sense! Trust me, I bought into the "It's the 90's" mantra men would throw at me, and call them, at their request, be too nice,too available, then scratch my head when I would see them happily start dating a women we all knew was "difficult". I do not now believe these ladies were difficult, rather they let the guy know straight up, they were not pushovers,and strangely,the guys seemed to LOVE it!!! I decided to start doing the Rules, as written, and met and married a teriffic guy, who treats me like I am a precious jewel, and you know what? I am....NO! We all are precious jewels girls!!!!! Why settle for less? I enjoyed this book, and have applied not all, but most of the Rules,and just celebrated 6 happy years of marriage....Remember......If you do not value and love YOURSELF, why should he?! It is up to the woman to set the standards....what we will and will not tolerate...and trust me....REAL MEN, WILL appreciate us for it!!! Oh,yes....Alot of gals I knew thought the Rules were foolish....Odd, these are the same ones who have not had a decent relationship in YEARS!!!!!
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Summary: Perfect Book for Loving Wives!!!!
Comment: For the most part, the first two books in this series represents exactly how a single, self respecting female should carry herself in and out of a relationship aside from always putting God first. Everything about the way most men think and behave point to the fact that they love a challenge and have a natural desire and need to be dominate in life, which is why women that come too easy cannot satisfy them completely. It's also why they will continue to pursue a Rules Girl and eventually propose to her. Essentially they want to win! With winning though, comes the spoils of victory. That's where the rules for marriage comes in! My husband feels blessed to have me as his queen. So many women wanted him, a lot of them very pretty, that at times I wasn't sure that it was meant to be. But I followed the rules (not perfectly) and carried myself like a creature unlike any other and he dispensed with all the women that used to fall all over him and asked for my hand. Most of the things that this book teaches about marriage were already instilled in me so these rules are a lot easier for me to follow than most, but they work and work well at that. Don't believe for one second that the loving husband and king that you won by carrying yourself like a queen and being hard to get will all of a sudden start walking all over you when you follow these rules. He will appreciate you, recognize you, and reciprocate your love fully. Trust me he will! And if your guy isn't a rules husband, and was never very loving to begin with (you won him aside from breaking most if not all of the rules) I still believe that if you follow the authors' advice in this book you will win him over. This book (though it does it in a not so pleasant manner) basically teaches you to show unconditional love and respect to your husband without strings. And like the Good Book says, love never fails. The problem is that most people, because of selfishness have never learned to love unconditionally. They give self seeking love which isn't love at all. I follow theses rules. I support and nurture my husband's needs as a man, a champion and a king, and I know that these above all are the reasons that he loves me, works to please me, takes care of me, provides for me and protects me, and I rest assured that if I continue to do my part (which is where one author admits to stumbling) that he always will. We both win!
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Summary: Are these Broads for Real?
Comment: As I read this book yesterday, all I could think was, are these women for real?
Is this some sort of satire or something? Some sort of let's make fun of the '50s and their quaint ideas spoof?
No, sadly they are for real, and all they are really doing is making me not want to get married ever, it's probably not their intention.
The advice in here is like a salad mixed with raw onions and beets. Every now and again they will throw in something to appeal to feminists who are desparate for men, but still want to be strong women. Things like keep your own interests, and don't bother him about tiles, go out and buy them yourself. But then they contradict themselves by saying, ask him before you get frilly curtains. They tell you to baby him when he has a cold, but if you are laying in bed from horrible cramps, you can't expect any sympathy from him.
They throw in useful gems like, don't nag him, seriously, who nags over toilet paper? If there isn't a roll up, who cares? Who bothers over such trivial stupid things?
They tell you to do things you don't want to do. How is that good advice? Why should I have to go to some wedding filled with people I don't know? Why should I have to force myself to do things I hate and don't want to when he doesn't have to do that?
Books like this and Men are from Mars Women are from Venus are destructive. They make it seem like men are IDIOTS and it's women's jobs to placate them. That's not a healthy relationship! They even go on to say don't bother with couple counceling, go to therapy yourself. Maybe it's you with the problem.
Dude, if you follow rules like this, you'll NEED therapy, anger management, because you'll be frustrated. If one person has to take care of the kids, work, then come home and serve a husband who is needy and demanding, who doesn't realize he's not a child, who demands sex when you're exausted, who doesn't even bother to communicate with you or show he cares enough about you to know what gifts you like, or that you are sore and swollen from pregnancy and need sympathy than they will get exausted, depressed and burned out!
Relationships should be about give and take, reciprocity, men and women both building each other up instead of propping up one person.
What happens when a couple has children? Will the man understand it's not about him then? Why the heck should you praise him for doing chores when he's not praising you? Give and take, all take and no give wears a person out!
Why should I take advice from a woman who separated from her husband in the first place? Surely I'd be better off listening to people who have been in healthy marriages for a long time where one person isn't elevated over the other creating a lot of problems in the future.
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Summary: Horrible
Comment: I just read the table of contents for this book and I thought I might puke! This should be called, "How to be a slave to your husband"
This book only makes women think that men are superior and we are to bow to them. Give me a break! I was pissed just reading the table of contents
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