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Counterfeit Forgiveness - And The Real Thing
We can’t forgive the people who have wronged us until we first admit that they did something wrong.
It seems so obvious, but it’s one of those truths in life that’s just as easy to forget as it was to learn in the first place. Because most of the people we need to forgive are close to us, the people we’ve loved, the people we’ve trusted, and sometimes we don’t want to admit that someone we loved and trusted so much could have wronged us so grievously. So we tell ourselves things like, “He didn’t really mean it, he wasn’t really trying to hurt me, he was just confused…” when deep down inside we know better. Then we call that “forgiveness”.
But if we counterfeit the offense, then all we will have to offer is counterfeit forgiveness. Likewise when we downplay the offense: “It wasn’t really so bad…” Yes it was, and if you only admit half the offense, then you can only forgive half of it. The other half will remain unforgiven, eating away at your insides.
So admit it ALL – let yourself be angry, allow yourself to feel the full outrage!!!
And THEN forgive. It’s the only time you can.
Authentic forgiveness means: “I know what you did, I know why you did it, I recognize how much it hurt me, I know there was absolutely no excuse for what you did to me – and I release you.” Period. It doesn’t mean you have to take him (or her) back.
It’s not easy. If the offense was grave and yet you’re finding it easy to forgive, you probably aren’t doing it right. But little that is worthwhile in life comes easy.
When you’ve forgiven deep in your heart you will know it immediately, because a wave of relief and previously trapped energy will wash over you.
“Forgiveness is setting the prisoner free, only to discover that the prisoner was you.”
About the Author: Jake Danger is an inmate residing in the cellar of the Oakfield Institute for the Very, Very Nervous. His blog, Lunatic Wisdom, is at http://www.lunaticwisdom.com/blog/, and is full of insane drivel. He had to sneak past the nice men in white coats to post this article. Don’t believe a word he says.